Birth: Grandparents Waiting – Harvard Health Blog

"Do you have grandparents?" This seems a simple and convenient question to ask women and men of age. However, those great-grandparents waiting for this can bring a layer of pain, fear, and challenge. These feelings are the most powerful for grandparents who themselves had experienced childbirth years ago, but they can be passed on to anyone whose baby is struggling to have a baby.

I begin by defining “waiting for grandparents.” I use this to refer to people – often in their 60s and 70s – who have grown-up children who suffer from recurrent or recurrent pregnancies. Grandmothers-in-waiting include those who already have grandchildren with their other children, and grandparents who have no grandparents. There are also great-grandparents who face a double challenge, or a mixed blessing, with one grandchild with one child or another child while another great-grandchild & # 39; ; i.

Emotions from Grandparents-Waiting

If you are a waitress, here are a few of the emotions you may experience or expect.

Help with & # 39; not. There is a common saying among parents, "You are just as happy as your youngest child." If one has zero or 10, it is very painful to see the baby struggling to have a baby. You may be surprised to find yourself struggling with & # 39; s uncontrollable and out of control with your friends. After all, many of them are grandparents, and staying with them is at risk of telling yourself about a new pregnancy or a conversation about grandparents.

Anger. By the late 60s or '70s, you learned a lot about life being unfair. That said, it is hard to avoid the feeling that all this is happening so unfair. Pregnant women appear to be safe when your baby is pregnant. If you are a gynecologist for your baby, you will recognize the shock and negative emotions that can happen to pregnant women. If you have your own children or have easy children, these feelings can be disruptive. Grandparents-in-waiting need to know that being angry, angry about being pregnant – and even with their grandparents – doesn't mean they are bad people.

Depression. To have a child with a child, or to lose a pregnancy, is a double tragedy. You are sad for your child and you are grieving for yourself, all this if you have no children. It is hard not to look and feel that your great-grandmother is the lottery. Some people have one child with four children. Others have four children and one grandmother who lives thousands of miles away.

Rising to the challenge as your great-grandfather waited

Probably the biggest challenge for father-mother-in-law is to deal with your emotions without having to deal with things. Here are some tips for dealing with your daughter, son-in-law, or son at birth.

  • Let them control communication. Some older children want to share their infertility struggle with their parents; some do not. If your child seeks privacy, respect that. Let them know you are there if things change and they want to talk.

    If your child is open to you, discuss what is helpful and what is not. For example, they may fill you in on what is happening, but get angry if you give advice or try to “help” actively. An open discussion can help you avoid the feeling that you are laying eggs.

  • Avoid any blame. Depression is often the most painful part of infertility. Be aware that your child may blame himself or herself for “waiting too long,” “have other priorities,” or that he may choose the “wrong” doctor. Be there to listen but do everything you can to avoid damaging the self.
  • Contact acceptance. By competing with childbirth, people begin to think of other options such as adoption, egg donation, and transplantation. If your child is beginning to consider option B, he or she will be more prone to your reaction. It will make more sense for your child to know that you are welcoming and giving birth to your grandchild regardless of how that child joins the family. That said, you need to be careful not to secretly communicate negative thoughts about current treatment. Your daughter or son may see their adoption reception or egg donation as proof that you do not think that their voluntary efforts, or that of IVF, will work.
  • Be a parent. Maybe your daughter is successful in her career, but now it's your baby and she needs you. Whether she passes it on or not, it means the world for her to know she can rely on you. Being a parent and doing your best as a parent, you will let them know that you are there for her and that you will be safe in her role as the baby's grandmother. She needs to feel that you are not suffering. Or it may be corrected, it needs to know that you can push your pain itself out of place because your priority is to help ease the pain.

It is not easy to be a father-in-law. Old age teaches us all that life is short. Waiting for your grandfather becomes even more difficult when you feel you have wasted precious time. There is no way to define or control sugar-wasting time. However, I hope you are satisfied to know that the ability of your child in this difficult time is a gift and a blessing.