What to do about Overtalker


They have crazy interests and do not see a social phenomenon. The other person is going back, giving all these names but not picking them up. They look like a bicycle where the bridge is working. ”

In any case, disrupt as quickly as you can enjoy, to see if the speaker is at the bottom of the floor. If not, stop again, says Deborah Tannen, a professor of linguistics at Georgetown University and has written several books on the meaning of speech patterns.

  • If you suspect someone is poisonous, run away. If you do not find land, you may be dealing with a narcissist and you need to reduce your losses. Try “Excuse me! I see my former public speaking teacher there! ”Or“ I have to get two private calls within two minutes! ”

  • If you are dealing with social trauma, help them out. "You can say, & # 39; That's really interesting, so let me go if I summarize what you said." Dr. Tashiro suggests. Give them direct feedback and it shows that you were actively listening. Then move on to focus on yourself, say & # 39; I had the same experience & # 39; or & # 39; Here's what I want to talk about. & # 39; ”

Do not make assumptions: Generally, Dr. Tannen suggests not to rush to a quick conclusion. "Try to see what creates a strong confusion," Dr. Tannen says. Everything about how we talk varies according to culture, like how much time is interrupted between cycles. Depending on the state, ethnic background or just different ideas on how to make a conversation, it is not about learning about the pathology or the bad intentions.

It refers to a partner, a New Yorker, a Midwester woman, on a first date: He was doing all the talking and was really thinking about him, Dr. Tannen recalled. "Then he finally said, & # 39; Can you help me out here? & # 39; He explained that he was doing all the talking because it was what he knew how to do. He was trying to keep the conversation going. She was waiting for a question, to show her interest. "(Both are now married.)

Use fraudulent instructions: Sometimes, the person changing is someone you cannot give short control of: your boss, say or future father-in-law. See if you can customize the dialog differently or build one pause ("Have fun. I need time to think about that.") Or, work on getting your message across below.

Lynda McCroskey, a professor of communication studies at the University of California at Long Beach, says "respond calmly. Stay away from the person, avoid touching the eyes, and don't touch them. Finally, look at your watch or your phone."